Charle Sheen is coming to Seattle and Jubal is not impressed. In fact he is taking EXTRA steps to save you from going to his “show”. Listen to it all on today’s podcast.
(Image courtesy of 4rilla. Used under creative commons.)
Dear Charlie Sheen:
You’re bringing your torpedo of truthy, truth truth, tiger blood warlock tour (or whatever it’s called) here next week and I couldn’t care less. I’ve said it multiple times. If I wanted to see a drug addict ramble nonsensically, I’d hangout downtown with the crackheads. At least they don’t need a laugh track or a script to be funny.
The same reason that people are going to your “performances” (a term I use looser than your ex-goddess, porn star Bree Olson) is the same reason we slow down when we drive by a fatal car accident. We’re hoping to see some unforgettable carnage. Well, unfortunately for you, you’ve become so uninteresting that you can’t even bomb memorably. Your shows are nothing more than question and answer sessions. Who cares? Everything anybody wants to know about you can be done with a single Youtube search. Get back to TV and movies; you’re good at those. Leave the on-stage jokes to the professionals. Your tour is nothing more than a way of robbing those people that you call fans. You overcharge and offer no real entertainment.
We’ve been given tickets to give away as prizes on my radio station and while others may proudly bow down to your psychopathic rhetoric, I refuse. This is Seattle and I’m the only bipolar, nutjob allowed. That’s why next week – before your steaming pant-load of a tour comes to the northwest – Brooke Fox and I will burn each and every one of the tickets. That’s right, the over $2,000 dollars worth of Charlie Sheen show tickets we have will go up in flames faster than your career on “Two and a Half Men” did. I’d rather cremate those tickets than subject our listeners to crappy entertainment. If they want free, awful entertainment they know exactly where to find it, and that’s with Me and Brooke Fox, weekday mornings from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m.
P.S. Since your porno star Bree Olson is single now, think you can hook me up with her number?