Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin To “Consciously Uncouple”

Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin To “Consciously Uncouple”

Coldplay frontman Chris Martin & wife Gwyneth Paltrow announced today that they planned to “consciously uncouple” after a decade together, which in english means: “we’re breaking up.”

If you’re as sad about this as I am, I’ve added some some comforting math below the statement released by the couple to help you sleep tonight while listening to “Sparks” and chugging your Earl Grey tea laced with Vodka & tears.

It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.

Love,

Gwyneth & Chris

Here’s some consolation…

10 years = 3650 days.

3650 days / one unit of Kardashian marriage = 50.69.

That’s right — they lasted exactly 50.69 times longer than Kim & Kris Humphries (Kanye doesn’t count because he doesn’t believe in numbers). I also don’t count Khloe or the other one because I’m not certain they were ever married, nor do I actually acknowledge their existence.

C’est la vie, Chris & Gwyneth! I guess she won’t be attending too many Coldplay shows in the future…

Justin

About justin

He was the kid that you probably hated in elementary school. Loud, obnoxious, and attention-seeking, Justin was intent on getting what he wanted at all costs. After too many summers spent in some form of a plaster-cast, he settled for what his teachers couldn't stand: TALKING! As it turns out, it worked!