Brooke’s Motherlode: Life as a New Mom

I had to ask my husband last night, “Did you know you were marrying a crazy woman when you said yes?” Being a smart husband of a crazy woman, he just smiled, hugged me and let the water works flow.

It’s not my fault really….the crying anyway. I’m pretty sure that when I became a mother someone injected my tear ducts with steroids. Everything, and I mean everything, sets me off.

Last night was my tipping point though. I had a rough day at work. Between dropping my pumping bra in the parking garage and having to ask 3 different building managers for its where-abouts (“Has anyone turned in a pink s&m-looking ace bandage?”) to having my computer crash in the middle of my 569th post about Kim Kardashian’s butt, I was in a fragile state. All I wanted was to get home to my baby. I decided to take Norah (aforementioned baby) up to the wading pool. A little sunshine & splashing around in some luke warm, over -chlorinated water would do us some good. That’s when it happened.

An acquaintance saw me, waved energetically & bounced over to where I was. “How are you?” she asked with a smile plastered ear to ear. “I’m go…” but before I could finish the “od” , I felt my face go flush, my bottom lip quiver and I knew it was over. I started crying in the middle of the park, surrounded by screaming toddlers in swimmer diapers and mothers gossiping about the latest trend in baby strollers.

I bit my cheek and pulled myself out of what could have been an avalanche of emotion to respond, “I’m having a hard time. ” Duh, obvious police here. I was always told that motherhood would be hard. What I wasn’t told was that it’s not exactly motherhood that’s hard but the combination of motherhood, career-hood, marriage-hood, myself-hood, all-other-life-hood that is hard. Add to that that as soon as you describe it as “hard”, its HARD not to sound like you’re complaining.

I’m not complaining. I have the most beautiful, healthy, brilliant baby daughter, more love than I thought existed in the world, an awesome job, a husband who is supportive and kind and the best dad I’ve ever seen, a house that is a home, dear girlfriends that are like sisters, a sister who is my best friend, parents that would do anything for me and a list of things I’m grateful for that would stretch 1,000 football fields. My “new mom bliss” moments definitely outweigh the “what the hell am I doing” moments but that doesn’t seem obvious when I’m standing in the middle of the park with puffy tear filled eyes & a snotty nose.

Is it too late to just blame the hormones?

As a new mom (me) talking to a seasoned mother (her), I didn’t need to explain. It’s hard to imagine that this bubbly, seeming-to-have-it-all-together mother-of-2 ever felt this flooded with emotion…but she had.

She chuckled at me a little and just simply said, “Oh honey. Yo’re ok, this is normal. We all go through it.”

We do???? This emotional hurricane of overwhelming love & self pity, worry & joy, defeat & pride is “normal”. That’s not a question mark that’s a revelation. Her simple words made everything feel so much better. It’s really amazing what a little comradery will do. There was a light at the end of the new-mother-insanity-tunnel.

So does my husband know he married a crazy person? I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say yes. There’s good news though, it won’t last forever. I’ve been told we’ve only got 18 more years to go.

About Brooke Fox

Brooke is a bold all-American tomboy that is passionate about her friends, her family and new adventures. She is a former hip-hop dance instructor and an outdoor enthusiast. She is the voice of reason to Jubal’s crazy. She still says, “Woot,” “Raise the roof,” and loves to over share.